Earlier this week, an active player in the NFL made huge news. Carl Nassib, a defensive end for the Las Vegas Raiders came out as gay. As of this writing, he is the only openly gay active NFL player.
Hopefully, he won’t be alone for very long.
“Carl Nassib’s powerful coming out is a historic reflection of the growing state of LGBTQ visibility and inclusion in the world of professional sports, which has been driven by a long list of brave LGBTQ athletes who came before him,” said GLAAD President & CEO Sarah Kate Ellis. “As an accomplished athlete who is now the first out gay active player in the NFL, Carl Nassib’s story will not only have a profound impact on the future of LGBTQ visibility and acceptance in sports, but sends a strong message to so many LGBTQ people, especially youth, that they too can one day grow up to be and succeed as a professional athlete like him.”
Representation matters. But for every massive step forward, there remain hundreds of steps backwards.
According the Human Rights Campaign, “2021 has officially surpassed 2015 as the worst year for anti-LGBTQ legislation in recent history.” The HRC reports that more than 250 anti-LGBTQ bills have been introduced in state legislatures in 2021, including at least 35 bills that would prohibit transgender youth from being able to access age-appropriate, gender-affirming medical care.
So when a badass defensive end for the Raiders, of all teams, comes out as gay and then makes a $100,000 donation to The Trevor Project, make no mistake, it’s a big fucking deal.
Okay, but what does this have to do with my life?
Well…
Let’s imagine you’re sitting down with your 10 year-old for a dinner of mac and cheese, chicken nuggets and grapes. All on separate plates, of course. On the table there’s a box of spilled apple juice, a few Snoopy stickers and several dried out markers. Soccer gear is strewn on the floor alongside a few of this morning’s Cheerios and a naked Barbie missing half of her hair. It’s just another day.
Until your kid turns to you and says, “Mom, I think I’m a lesbian.”
How would you react in that moment?
For many parents this is a moment they never saw coming, but it got there. Fast. What should you say? What shouldn’t you say? Were you completely surprised? Have you always known but never really accepted it? How do you hear this and let your child know that they’re safe and loved and what they’re feeling is perfectly okay?
It’s a situation that millions of parents have faced. And thanks to increasing positive role models and representation, the average age of children coming out has dropped from their early 20s to anywhere between 14 and 16. Parents shouldn’t just assume their children are straight until proven otherwise. Even if your kid has a different identity in two years or two months, it’s important to support how they feel today.
But where do you start?
On this episode, a repeat of one of my most downloaded episodes, I speak with Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Childhood Mental Health Specialist, Melody Murray https://www.parkstherapy.com/. She reveals the struggles that children of all backgrounds must navigate and gives parents tools to help their children know that they’re loved, supported and safe regardless of sexual orientation. I also speak with a friend whose 13 year-old daughter decided to come out during a family vacation. Blindsided, the mother responded in the best way she could.
How you respond to your child’s coming out can be what keeps your kid alive.
I’ve also found several very helpful resources for parents of LGBT kids:
