OKAY, MY KID IS GAY
You’re sitting down with your 10 year-old for a dinner of mac and cheese, chicken nuggets and grapes. All on separate plates, of course. On the table there’s a box of spilled apple juice, a few Snoopy stickers and several dried out markers. Soccer gear is strewn on the floor alongside a few of this morning’s Cheerios and a naked Barbie missing half of her hair. It’s just another day. Until your kid turns to you and says, “Mom, I think I’m a lesbian.”
How would you react in that moment?
For many parents this is a moment they never saw coming, but it got there. Fast. What should you say? What shouldn’t you say? Were you completely surprised? Have you always known but never really accepted it? How do you hear this and let your child know that they’re safe and loved and what they’re feeling is perfectly okay?
It’s a situation that millions of parents have faced. And thanks to more positive role models and American culture becoming less hostile towards LGTBQ people, the average age of children coming out has dropped from their early 20s to anywhere between 14 and 16. Parents shouldn’t just assume their children are straight until proven otherwise. Even if your kid has a different identity in two years or two months, it’s important to support how they feel today. But where do you start?
On this episode, I speak with Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Childhood Mental Health Specialist, Melody Parks https://www.parkstherapy.com/. She reveals the struggles that children of all backgrounds must navigate and gives parents tools to help their children know that they’re loved, supported and safe regardless of sexual orientation. I also speak with a friend whose 13 year-old daughter decided to come out during a family vacation. Blindsided, the mother responded in the best way she could.
According to The Trevor Project, LGB youth are almost five times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual youth. How you respond to your child’s coming out can be what keeps your kid alive.
I’ve also found several very helpful resources for parents of LGBT kids:
https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/coming-out/coming-out-advice-and-guidance-parents
https://pflag.org/sites/default/files/OUR%20CHILDREN_PFLAGNational_FINAL.pdf
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/Four-Stages-of-Coming-Out.aspx
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/tips-for-parents-of-lgbtq-youth
https://nccc.georgetown.edu/documents/LGBT_Brief.pdf
https://www.insider.com/what-to-do-when-someone-comes-out-2017-12
I also recommend the book: This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids: A Question & Answer Guide to Everyday Life
Being gay is not a crime and it’s not a sin. Some people believe that having an LGBTQ child means they somehow failed as a parent. Disowning your child means you failed as a parent.
I think most experts will agree that the best thing you can say to your child when they come out is: I Love You.
That is the perfect place to start.
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