INSIDE A VIRTUAL SEX PARTY WITH LILA DONNOLO

We already know that due to the COVID pandemic, it's not currently safe to attend a crowded restaurant. It's not safe to attend a busy gym. It's not safe to attend large religious gatherings. So...it's almost certainly not safe to attend an orgy. What's a sexually adventurous person to do?

We already know that due to the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s not currently safe to attend a crowded restaurant. It’s also not safe to attend a busy gym or to attend large religious gatherings.

So…it’s almost certainly not safe to attend an orgy.

What’s a sexually adventurous person to do?

Attend one online?

That’s right, thanks to the pandemic, some folks are now opting for video platforms such as Skype, Zoom and FaceTime for their orgies. UK-based, high-end sex party club Killing Kittens hosted a 100 person orgy online in March complete with burlesque performers, a cage, a live DJ, and 100 masked members.

But, despite the fact that they are having a moment, Zoom, is not exactly thrilled with this burgeoning use for their beloved platform. They announced earlier this year that they were going to crack down (no pun intended) on “unacceptable use” and use machine learning to detect sex parties and nudity. For research. Totally.

Meanwhile, they have much bigger problems than a bunch of folks e-banging online. With so much Zoom usage due to the pandemic, the platform faced a huge privacy and security backlash as their default settings lacked real security. Suddenly pranksters started crashing private Zoom meetings, playing offensive videos and being all around creeps.

Zoom, you have much bigger problems than policing a bunch of consensual orgies!

Now that virtual play parties are the new normal and actually a very safe entry point into the sex party world, how do you find one? What happens when you get in? What are the rules?

My guest Lila Donnolo is a veteran host and sex educator. The brilliant mind behind the podcast Horizontal With Lila, she is a founding member of Hacienda Villa, a sex-positive intentional community in Brooklyn, NY. Lila is an expert in making private conversations public, being in service of eradicating shame, and at cultivating connection. On this episode, she reveals exactly what you need to do to get invited to a virtual sex party. The importance of knowing and following the rules. How you let attendees know if you’re interested in e-playing with them. How you protect your privacy once you start playing, and even how you protect your keyboard. These are things you need to do before you screw…online.

During our conversation, we also reflect back on the sex party I attended without my husband last year, and the lessons I learned from that crazy night.

Contact Lila here for your Personal Intimacy Roadmap, 60-minute sessions of sex-positive, judgment-free, kink-aware, LGBTQ+ celebratory, gender-affirming guidance on your intimate struggles. A session includes: exercises, techniques, recommendations, homework & a tailored document of resources you can refer back to. Think of it as your own personal intimacy road map!

Definitely check out Horizontal with Lila and follow her @horizontalwithlila on Instgram. I’m going to have a much deeper conversation with her later this summer about her work at Hacienda Villa, her podcast and why she’s currently hanging out in an Indonesian jungle. She will be back on for a much bigger conversation very soon.

Meanwhile, here’s another link I mentioned: 9 Dope Podcasts About Black Love, Family and Sex That Keep It All The Way Real. Please support these podcasts and amplify BIPOC voices whenever you can.

Here’s a link to my writing on Medium.com if you want to read about my crazy adventures as head of programming at Playboy TV. Trust me, you totally do.

Now I’m gonna make some space in my nightstand for a roll of plastic wrap. Cause...well, ya never know...

See you next time!

Wendy

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Preesh!!!